Not Love

How things have changed
Not like they used to be
I thought you were
What I needed
To fill the emptiness inside
You were that ideal
My dream
But damn I was wrong
I lifted you up so high
Didn't see the cracks
The flaws in your smile
You were that shining star to my heart
But all I got
Was fucked over
Broken heart
Smashed to the ground
The disappointment
Its too much
Too hard
To accept
That I was not enough
For you
That you were not
What I wanted you to be
I put myself out there
For you
You made me feel
That something special
But it was all a fantasy
That you could not fulfill
You were there
But not
I almost said it
I loved you
But you never could
Be my love
Not completely
I look at it all
Now
You've moved on
I live on
Keep myself busy
But every now and then
You pop up
The feelings roll in
Anger creeps through my veins
A smile a cross my lips
Confusion sets in
I just want it to be over
To find that peace
It alludes me
You just continue
To haunt me
I know that its not love
Not love at all
Holding on
To what you were
What we were
In my head
How it made me feel
But its not worth
Time spent on an illusion
I want to be free
Of it all
And finally
Of  you
Cause its not love
Not love at all
Its over...

Music's Love

The music that speaks to my soul
Makes me feel free when the walls cave in
When no one seems to understand me
My feelings put to a beat that enwraps me
Helps to let it all go
Lift the weight of expectations
To see the world for what it is and where I fit in
My muse that insists
To create
To never forget
To smile when its far too cold
With music I can do anything
There are no restrictions
Everything at my fingertips
Its followed me though heartbreak
Finding that missing piece of me
Helped to realize that love comes and goes
But I'm still here in the end
Brought forth the strength to discard the ugly
The pessimism that lurks in the corners
Tells my story
With all its cracks, all its dips
Details flow in and out of rhythm
It remains that one constant
By my side
To soothe me of my insecurities
Music is that force
Its everything
Music is me
Music is love

No More

It takes time to see
Took me far too long
To see though to
The real you
You pulled me around
Toyed with my emotions
You had me believing
It all
Even the small
I don't know
How I could
Love you so
I played the part
Your fool
My heartbeat raced
Every time you said my name
Threw the truth in my face
You embraced that part
Left me cold
I gave you me
The world
All you ask for is
More and more
I was never enough
You wanted to the world
I wanted
Need
Love
Unconditional
True
That's not a bit you

Me

Is it too much
To ask for something
For you
Can't you see
The larger picture
See me
I stand here
Grasping at the air
Hold my hand
Give me something
To believe in
Breathe in
Totally
Utterly
Lost without
A word to guide me
A glimmer of hope
Save me from it all
I can't control it
The way I feel
Cold
I need your warmth
Around me
In me
A prisoner of fear
That I won't see
Feel
Happiness once again
Fill me to the brim
I'm here
But you don't see me
Feel me
Come and see
See me
It comes and goes
That feeling
That I can
Once again
See me
Feel me
But I want
I need you
Give me your hand
Your warmth
Your love
To complete
Fill in the empty spaces
To feel again
To see again
Just me

LoVe

So simple
Thinkin' 'bout you
Always one word
Darling
The key that opens
Deep inside
Makes me shiver
Every time
The suns rays
Caress
Can't explain
What it is
Complex
Feel it
You
Love
Breaks me down
Fills me up
Puts me together
You're with me
You see me
Complete
Apart
You
Me
Love

Feel

I see the way
You look at me
The way you ache
Slightest hint of my perfume
You want something
I can give you
My lips drip
Passion
Every kiss
In my arms
You lose
Control
Is it too much for you?
Do you want more?
My fingertips
Trace
Caress
Every curve
I wanna hear
Feel
My name escape from your lips
Believe me when I say
It can get better
Exceeding expectation
Redefining desire
Wanting more
Wanting me
Wanting you

Blame Me...

You wanna blame me
For your tears
Its that simple for you
You played your part
I told you the truth 
But you believed your lie
Now you're left in the cold
Without the warmth of my arms
I always put you first
But you always love me last
They all told me
You were too much to handle
But I wanted you
And all your baggage
The package you came wrapped in
Deceiving
I built my walls
To protect my heart
You want back in
But that would just tear me apart
Live with consequences of who you are
And that you can't blame me

Lie

It was never enough,
To be yours behind the scenes.
To tell you I love you,
Only in whispers.

As if our love was only fantasy,
A convincing figment of my imagination.
You said it was temporary,
This cloak and dagger affair.
I only wanted the simply things,
But that was too close to the truth.
I wanted you in the light of day,
To crumble this solitary secret.
The farce became to much for me,
I couldn't be your lie anymore.
I walked away,
Free from the burden of us.
Left you behind,
With nothing say.

Three Words

It rises,
From my feet to my heart.
This pain,
Just the thought.
That you would,
That you could.
Say those words,
I thought they were mine...forever.
How could you...
Say them to some...one...else.
You knew how much...
They meant to me.
I waited so long for them,
For you to say them to...me.
They were that promise,
That you wanted me...only.
I wrapped myself in them,
The warmth of them.
But you gave them to...her,
So freely.
Was I just a past time...
Till you met her.
I want to know,
What those three words mean to you.
You give me no other choice,
But to give them back.
I have to walk away,
Even though...I...Love...You....

She's Written(La Escribí translation)

She's written,
Everywhere.
She's written all over my body,
Every corner of my being.
She's written in the air I breathe,
The wind that caresses my face.
She's written on my lips,
She stains my words.
She's written in my dreams,
Where we are still happy.
She's written on my heart,
That today is in pieces.

La Música

La música que corre por mis venas
Es lo que me hace vivir
Cada momento, cada instante
Con ese entusiasmo
Sin ella todo seria soledad
Ella es la razón
Mi motivación para creer
Creer que puedo ser alguien
Que puedo decir lo que siento
Sin miedo, sin temor de hacer daño
Que puedo vivir libre
Libre de que piensen los de mas
Me da la fuerza
De romper las barreras de la ignorancia
Que puedo caminar mi curso y ser
Ser quien yo quiero ser
Mirar hacia delante y sonreír
Poder contestar las preguntas
Sin esconder la verdad
Ha sido mi amiga constante
Nunca me ha juzgado
Me dio las palabras
Para ser, respirar
La música la llevo junto a mi
Siempre

You

It was never a question
How much I cared
It was in every word
In the way I looked at you
In the way I treated you
It was in the small things
The way my face lit up...
When I said your name
The way we talked for hours
Oblivious of our surroundings
You were in my thoughts
You were in my dreams
I wanted...I needed to be...
With you
The sensations I felt
At the nearness of you
Its as though you brought me to life
Made me see things differently
To make you smile...to bring you joy
Was the best feeling
Somewhere along the way
Love got lost...you walked away
I've tried to move on
Day by day
But I still wear it...
The way I feel...the way I felt...
About you
It still lingers on my skin...
On my mind...in my heart...
Each second...minute...hour...day...
A piece falls away
And I can almost remember
What it was like before you

This Desire...

there's nothing sweeter
than your lips against mine
all I want, all I need
is time alone...
time alone with you
my hands rise and fall
against your skin
breathe in your perfume
takes me to another place
there's never enough time
to discover every part of you
can I be...can you be
all that you...all that I...need
my heart beats faster
every time I look into your eyes
I would rather stay here
wrapped up in the way you make me feel
the thirst I have for you
will never be satisfied
there's so much more I have to offer
just gimme the chance
I promise...
you won't regret it...you'll enjoy it
there's never a maybe when it comes to you
my mission...my motivation...is to please you
there's nothing more perfect
than to place that feeling in a kiss
can't but want more and more
my cup will never be full...of you
no other place I'd rather be
than inside of you and this desire...

Love Question

You ask my what I want,
Do I really have to tell you?

I thought it was written...
All over my skin.
I thought you could see it...
In my eyes.
I thought you could hear it...
In the way I said your name.
I thought you could feel it...
In my kiss.
My heart only has room...
For you.
I don't want...need anyone else...
But you.
The melody that plays in my head...
Is you.
I can't see beyond it all...
All I see is you.
What I want...
Is you...is love...

Life...Love

The mistakes I've made...made me,
The person I am.
I can't change the past,
I just move forward.
Whether I stumble or fumble again,
I follow where my path leads.
I met you along the way,
I learned loves lesson.
My heart beats with anticipation,
As the new day begins.
Each day goes by,
Wait to see what happens.
I have no expectations,
Life has its plan for me.
Time is measured and dispensed,
But I try to enjoy every second.
Life is to short,
To burden with worry.
I can't take back,
What I felt...it just was.
Live everyday fully,
And love with all your heart.

That Kiss...1st Kiss

That first kiss drew me in,
The taste of you lingered.
It took my breath away,
And I wanted more.
I would do anything...
Anything to feel that kiss again.
I travel along,
Searching for...
But its that kiss,
That lights the fire in my soul.
Burns brighter each time,
I remember the sensation...your lips.
Letting the fire wash over me,
Keeping it close to my skin.
That kiss...the sweetest drug,
Memories never enough.
To get lost in your kiss,
Its all I can think about.
To feel your kiss,
In every part of my being.
To feel your kiss,
The urgency...beyond anything I've known.
I could remain in the dark,
But your kiss would lead me to the light.
Do you remember....
Remember that kiss?

Believe

Can I dare to believe,
That one day you'll realize,
That you'll finally see,
What you needed was me.
Is it worth it,
To wait and sit,
To hope that you believe it,
That you really want it.
It hurts every time,
That I think of you,
Of what we had,
Of what we could've been.
I felt it deep down,
The words I said were true,
I put my fear aside,
And put my heart in your hands.
Was it all a waste,
Loves fleeting taste,
I thought we were everything,
That we could be more than a secret.
I've sat in the dark,
Not knowing where to go,
Hands tremble, grasping at what might be,
I've lost my reason, my faith.
Was there any truth,
In your embrace,
In the way you looked at me,
The way you took my hand in the dark.
I want to see,
I want to believe,
I need to see,
I need to believe,
That there is more than you.

Ex-Invitation

I know I've said,
Said it till my lips hurt.
Your not worth my time,
Invitation permanently rescinded.
I take back all those pretty words,
Bitterness when I say your name.
If I never see you again,
It would do my mind good.
You toyed with me, my heart,
Now here's your fuck off.
Baby I don't want...
Your I'm sorries.
Its too damn late,
The sweetness is gone.
The door is permanently closed,
Slammed shut in your face.
If I say I miss you,
Its the booze talkin'.
I was strong before you,
Now I'm bullet proof.
You can gimme that look,
But it just bounces off.
You can want, want me,
But all you get is...goodbye.

Waitin

I been waitin for you,

All night long.
Sittin by the phone,
Hopin, hopin it will ring.
I been waitin for you,
But your taken too long.
I watch the sun set,
And your still not here.
I been waitin for you,
But your taken too long.
My friends same I'm a fool,
Say you're usin me.
But my heart knows the truth,
That all you need is me.
I been waitin for you,
But your taken too long.
My friends they say its all lie,
That your playin with my mind.
But they can't see,
That sweet way you look at me.
I'll be waitin for you,
I'll be singin my song....

Lies & Expectations

I want,

I need.

To forget you,

Erase you from my memory...from my heart.

My expectations led me here,

You could never be what I needed.

The things that you say...that you said,

Mean nothing at this point.

Your actions speak volumes,

But it still hurts.

I try to understand,

Why not me???

What do you see in her?,

I thought you wanted better.

I struggle to escape,

This maze of emotions.

Happy to see you,

Angry that it was all a lie.

Every day is a step closer,

To forgetting...us.

I thought I could be what you needed,

Make you see the happier side.

But you want to play old games,

Replay the same broken record.

I want so much more,

And you could never, will never be...

Sin Ti

¿Que sabes de mi?

Si me acabas de conocer.

Mi corazón no eres para...

Para tu juego frío.

Me esconderé de ti,

Y tus ojos que me comen por dentro.

Si te miro otra vez,

Me caigare en tus brazos.

Me tengo que detener,

Este sentimiento que me haces sentir.

Es como el fuego,

No se quiere apagar.

Si pudiera ir atrás,

Nunca te hubiera conocido.

Es demasiado,

Todo esto que corre por mi cabeza.

Me tengo que ir lejos de este amor, este pasión,

Que al final me va ser daño.

Mi vida seguiré,

Sin la sensación de tus labios, de tus manos.

Cruel

I tried to hold...
The dream that was you and me.
I tried to keep it together,
Never a big enough bandaid.
I tried to be...
What you wanted.
It was never enough,
I tried.

The truth of your love,

Was a cold blow.

I had built you up...in my mind,

You were everything.

I thought you were my shelter,

From frigid loneliness.
I handed over my heart,
Without question, without doubt.
I lost all of me in you,
I was left with nothing.
The song of my memories,
Follows me like a shadow.
Wish I could erase you,
Wish I never knew you.
But deep down in my heart,
I could never be that cruel...like you...

Un Paso (One Step)

Algunas cosas pueden ser tan simples,
Pero al mismo tiempo te pueden romper por dentro.
Lo que sentí por ti era mas allá de palabras,
Definitivamente fue mi motivación.
Una y otra vez,
Perdí control de mi misma.
Te quise por dentro y por fuera,
Pero me enterré en el proceso.
Me empujaste a la acera,
Dijiste que yo era demasiada.
Todo es tan loco y retorcido.
A pesar de todo todavía te quiero.
Trato de estar ocupada,
Pero siempre estas al rededor mis pensamientos.
Miro el reloj,
Preguntando cuando regresaras.
Mi ser racional me dice que es un perdicio...
De mí tiempo y de mi amor.
Quisiera que pudiera encararme el corazón,
Para caminar sin el peso de mis sentimientos.
Cada día es un proceso,
Cada día es un paso lejos...de mi amor.

One Step

Some things can be so simple,
But then it can just rip you up inside.
What I felt for you was beyond words,
It was most definitely my motivation.
Time and time again,
I lost control of me.
I wanted you inside and out,
But buried myself in the process.
You pushed me to the curb,
Said I was just too much...
Its just all so crazy and twisted,
Regardless I still want you just as bad as yesterday.
I try to keep occupied,
But you're just a thought away.
Lookin' at the clock,
Wonderin' when you'll be home.
My rational self tells me its a waste...
Of my time and my love.
Wish my heart could just be locked away,
To walk without the weight of my feelings.
Everyday is a process,
Everyday is one step further from...my love.

Letter To Grandpa

Can you hear me grandpa?

I hope you can.

There are so many things I wanted to tell you,

But I never had the chance to.

But I know that you’re with me,

Where ever I may go.

I’ll miss your never ending stories,

The sound of excitement in your voice.

You taught me so many things,

To be myself and embrace the differences of others.

That there are always lessons to be learned,

No matter how old I get.

The greatest thing you gave me was the love of music,

I’ll always have your song in my heart.

En Mi Mente

La tengo clavada en mi mente,
Como mi canción favorita,
No quiero que se valla,
Que se quede a mi lado para siempre,
Es mi mayor deseo,
Me veo entre su brazos,
Arropandome en sus caricias,
Solamente ella me sabe hacer sonreír,
Con esa alegria que me cautiva.
Es ella que me hacer respirar la vida,
Sin miedo de lo que puede ocurrir,
Me da es fuerza para segiur,
Para creer en quien soy,
Aun no le e podido decirle,
Porque ella aun no sabe que existo.

La Escribí

La escribí...

Por todos lados.

La escribí por todo el cuerpo,

En cada rincón de mi ser.

La escribí en el aire que respiro,

Por el viento que acaricia mi cara.

La escribí en mis labios,

Cada palabra tiene un tinto de ella.

La escribí en mis sueños,

Donde todavía somos felices.
La escribí en mi corazón,
Que hoy esta en pedazos.

Clean Slate

I've twisted this around,

Every which possible way.

Wipe the slate clean,

There's no other way.

You want to be friends,

After being a pale memory.

Words could never erase,

All the crap I went through.

Pain evolved into anger,

Kept inside for far too long.

I buried you deep,

In the back of my mind.

Why did you have to resurface?

Wear apologies like a shield.

Are you afraid of me?

Of what I'll say?

I'm not that naive girl anymore,

I've grown from my mistakes.

My life stopped including you,

And it’s better that way.

I'm happy with my present,

And not even you can change that.

My Chance

Time just seemed to stop,
The moment I said your name.
There was an urgency,
It poured right out of me.
I know its you that I want,
But am I asking for too much?
You see me but not the way I want,
Under the cover of friendship.
I've told myself time and again,
To be satisfied with...
To just walk away from it all,
But my heart tells me otherwise.
Can't you see the affect...
You have on me.
I want...I need to,
So much more than I've been.
I thought time was on my side,
That maybe you would come around.
Lately I feel I give too much,
Leaves me feeling empty.
But somehow I still want...still need,
A glance, a word from you.
Sometimes I feel like I've lost my way,
Wrapped up in my feelings.
But I know deep down,
That I'm worth so much more.
Still you don't see me,
This is my chance...
I've got to walk away,
While I still have a grip.
Grabbing it with both hands,
This is my moment.

At Times

At times…

It seemed too much.

I threw myself…completely,

Into it.

Denial was never an option,

The truth was on my face.

Occupying every inch…

Every second of my being.

It was all over me,

I wanted nothing more, nothing less.

I wanted, I needed,

All of it, all of the time.

That time away…solitude,

A slap of ice to my heart.

I was at a loss,

Lost without purpose.

Memories and dreams,

Were never enough to quench the thirst.

I tried to run away from it,

But it was there every waking moment.

Scratching at the surface,

To find myself again.

It’s a struggle to remain whole…to not fall apart.

But somehow deep down I find the strength,

In the song of who I was…of who I am.